It's a mad, mad world...

There's a saying that goes as such: no one is going to take care of you, but you. Or, my favorite, "you have to look out for number one." Oye. I hate that. I sometimes in my head take that literally and envision some sort of incident involving a hooded man beating me senseless with one of those "We're #1" foam fingers you see at football games. It's interesting, really. We live in a world of conflicting ideologies or morals. "Take care of yourself....Take care of each other...don't let people walk all over you ...do unto others as you would have them do unto you...watch your back...follow the golden rule..." So here's my question: how can I take care of number one while I'm doing unto to others who aren't watching my back? Think about it.It's deep. I promise. Really I think life's problems could be solved by sheer honesty. There just isn't enough of it in the world. I don't believe it's on purpose but perhaps is the by product of all of us peeps trying to live in an idiosyncratic world of opposing viewpoints. Ok...that's enough of that. I'm off to wander the streets with a foam rubber finger and a hooded sweatshirt.

Apparently I need this blog...or it needs me...

Ah...so here I am...six months later, trying to dive back into blogging. Need a topic. So far, over the past 2 years, I've blogged about the following: 1. Ditzy Radiologists; 2. How going to the dentist is preferred to going on a first date; 3. My zany adventures in buying ostrich meat; 4. How I told my personal trainer that I want to wrap myself in bacon; 5. Ancient Chinese Secret: Amazon blond causes a bike accident in China; 6. something about Dr. Who...for the benefit of Mr. Tom ( Beatles' fans might get that pun) 7. and something about "getting sticky with wicki" So... What now? Sequestration? (although since I'm a gov employee, this may not be the wisest topic). Pushing 40 and still single? (this would require lots of whiskey and cigars) My zany adventures in getting lost while walking in Waikiki?( true story but sorta on purpose...I pack a backpack and go on an urban, "I don't know where the puck I'm going" stroll). Tomorrow I'll come up with a new one...just writing this has made me sleepy. Nappy time.

Shake it till it hurts

"Hello. My name is Michelle and I bought a shake weight last year." I bought a shake weight last year. I was reminded that I bought it last year only because I am moving and came across it while packing. Um, not much more to express about it...this post is about as long as the time I spent shaking it... ...till it hurts.

The Amazon Chronicles: You don't know Who.....

The Amazon Chronicles: You don't know Who.....: I have this friend who, in answering my pleas for topic ideas, repeatedly comments that I should write about Doctor Who. Of course, I'm gue...

You don't know Who.....

I have this friend who, in answering my pleas for topic ideas, repeatedly comments that I should write about Doctor Who. Of course, I'm guessing that in order to blog about a TV show, I would actually have to watch it, and to be perfectly honest I long to watch science fiction as much as I long for pickled okra (blech). Yet, on my Facebook page a few times whenever said friend has brought up the notion, a few of my peeps latch on to the notion and like the idea.

I don't know anything about Who but for fourteen comments on this blog or Facebook and a six pack of beer I'm might be willing to watch a few episodes and do a critique.


I really doubt I'll get the 14 responses. If I do, I'll buy the beer myself. I'll need it to get through the espisodes.

Oh and Tom...you can't respond fourteen times. That's cheating.

And so it goes...

I had an epiphany of sorts this morning. A song this morning prompted me to mentally catalog the music on my ITunes account. I realized, perhaps 25 years too late, that maybe I missed the technotronic/rhythm boat.

My music collection really is quite good but it definitely is one that revolves around songwriters, specifically, angst-riddled songwriters.

What drove this realization is the fact that whenever I dock my Itouch when it is 'dead' and it gets juiced up, almost each and every time a Billy Joel song comes on...and most of the time it's the somber tune "And So it Goes..."

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

I guess this reoccurring phenomenon should have caught my attention sooner. It didn't. But it has lead to me spend an awful amount of time this morning pontificating on why every damn song on my ITouch is angsty. Case in Point--Simon and Garfunkel's The Sound of Silence:

"Hello Darkness my old friend...."

Now before y'all go running to your telephones to make sure I'm not having a Slyvia Plath moment, don't worry, I'm not. I'll just wait till my playlist gets to the Simon and Garfunkel tune, "Feeling Groovy"...

Hello lamp-post,
What cha knowin'?
I've come to watch your flowers growin'

Ah, the power of stream of consciousness writing. And to think this all started because I heard Billy Joel this morning.

It's almost impossible to be a blogger in Paradise

The reason I've neglected my fledgling Blog? Something about a glass of Bikini Blond Lager, a chaise lounge, a John Grisham novel and a rooftop pool in the middle of Waikiki...

Ancient Chinese Secret

So I keep trying to figure out why I'm not inspired these days to post to this blog. I honestly think about it about three to four times a day. I did have an excuse a few weeks ago. I was in China on a business trip for 18 days and my blog is blocked in China. They must have found out about my secret weapon involving code embedded in prose involving monkeys and cheese and nationally blocked me from transmitting back to the states. Actually, everything is blocked there.

So I guess that is where I will go with this week's blogs: my eighteen days in China.

Stay tuned and enjoy the pictures!

A little teaser: topics will include,
"How I caused a vehicle accident in China"
"Hey, can you please stop trying to measure yourself against my shoulder, short asian woman? I get it. I'm tall."

"What do you mean it's not tofu? What the hell is tripe?";

"Do they name the rats in this restaurant?"

"Um, I don't think I can squat that low to pee in that hole"

I'll Eat What She's Wearing

For the last four months I've been trying to get in better shape by joining a beach boot camp. The camp meets M-F and is operated by a local guy who like me is also in the National Guard. I joined mainly to improve my pushups for the yearly Physical Fitness Test I have to take. Lately, I have been also meeting with my trainer one on one to get added help since my test is coming up.

I went to boot camp yesterday morning on an empty stomach (I hadn't eaten since 5pm the previous day).I was totally dragging throughout the workout and even mentioned to one of the other "campers" how hungry I was. After about an hour of working out, the session ended and I went to my car. I was going to talk to K-----, the trainer, to confirm that evening's one on one and to apologize for my dragging ass earlier, but he was caught up talking to a new student.

I got in my car and texted him, "See you tonight at 5pm? Sorry I was dragging today." Before I pulled out of the lot I went to text one of my best friend's, Carter, whom I talked to earlier. We have this joke about bacon: whenever Im starving Ill text him, "I want to wrap myself in bacon"...so I was soooo damn hungry and decided to text that to Carter. I accidentally sent it to my trainer instead of Carter.

...the story gets better.

Once I realized what I did I quickly text K---- back apologizing and explaining that I sent it to the wrong person. He didn't respond so I just assumed he didn't think much about it.

Later that day, as I was changing into my workout clothes to go meet K---- for our one on one, he texted me at 4:45 to tell me he wasn't going to make it because he was stuck in town (downtown Honolulu is TOTALLY jacked up on Fridays).

He asked if instead he could send me a workout to do on my own and I wrote back and said that he could send it this weekend or if he had time I could meet Sunday night, but not to worry because I can just do Wii Fit tonight.

He responded: "Ok. I'll send you something as soon as I can. Wii Fit? Is that before or after you wrap yourself in bacon?"

I just about died. I can't wait to hear questions about my adventures in bacon next Monday at boot camp.

Melancholy Friday

A good friend jumped ship and left to go back to the Mainland this week. It didn't really hit me that she left until today when I almost texted her to ask "hey wanna go to dinner" but then realized that she doesn't live upstairs anymore. As much as it is cool to live on an island, it is really sad that I am so far away from family and friends. Plus, it's sad when friends I make here, leave.

My apologies for those expecting a witty twist to all of this. I just don't have one.

Song From JUNO: Anyone Else But You

I'm a nut for this song and this movie.

How to become an interesting person (BIP) step two: It's all about the threads, Baby!

Writer's note or Meet the Boy: I'm going in a different direction with the BIP series. It's a cliché, but a picture is truly worth a thousand words so I've decided to use one of my best friend's (Rocky) pictures of her 2 year old son to illustrate the BIP process. Sometimes a step will be written first, and then I will scour Rocky's online photo albums for a picture that illustrates my point. As in this case, the picture might inspire the step...you just never know with me. I'm sorta quirky. So years from now when little Robert (AKA "The Boy") becomes computer literate and happens upon my blog archive he will probably wonder what the h-ll he was doing wearing animal ears while wielding a hammer. Poor kid.

Step 2: Wear something interesting

It's all about the threads, Baby

It's quite simple, really: wear something interesting. How much easier can it get than that? A guy wearing jeans and a t-shirt totally goes unnoticed until he decides to accessorize with a dog collar. Now the interesting item you decide to rock must do something for you, because if it’s just wearing a dog collar for the sake of wearing one (or for flea and tick protection) then the “interest” you get will more than likely be short lived. There has to be an underlying idea or link to yourself. Lady Gaga has made a name for herself mainly because of this very idea: her outlandish outfits seem much more contextual for her, and not based on any trends.

This step is short and snappy because there’s not too much I can say about wearing something funky. Just do it. Although, it might be a better idea to stagger the funkiness; if you wear strange clothing everyday then people will just accept that as how you are and the interest will wane. However, if done in spurts, more than likely people will wonder what happened to make you stick a waffle cone hat on your head. People will wonder if perhaps you are protesting Ben and Jerry or maybe you are waiting for an ice cream storm.

So go to it. Wear that funky bracelet, white girl (or boy).

A Hawaiian Friday Night

I love being home alone in Hawaii on Friday night. Just me, the grill, a glass of wine, in a swing on the lanai underneath the cool night sky.

Free beer and nakedness

A friend of mine said I should offer prizes for following my page. Free beer to all new followers! Nude followers! Just kidding :)

Getting Sticky with Wiki or Five Latvians can't be wrong

Now that I am fully entrenched in the blogosphere, I often find myself 'stalking' my own stats through the blogger dashboard. The handy dandy measurements provide cool information such as how many hits my blog has gotten, where in the world they came from, and the sources from which they originated such as Twitter, Facebook, Google Buzz, and the bathroom wall of the neighborhood Sizzler.

I checked my "stats" just a while ago and was pleasantly surprised that my meager little starter-upper blog got five hits in Latvia. A little trip to Wikipedia (my friend Carter and I call this 'Getting Sticky with Wiki') and I find that it is a country in the Baltic region of Northern Europe and is bordered to the north by Estonia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latvia). I also nosed around a bit more to find that Latvia is largely an agricultural country and that Latvia is theoretically the only country of the European Union that still retains capital punishment for murder, however only during wartime. Of course, we all know the downfall of "getting sticky with Wiki"...it's not the most reliable of sources because of its editing free-for-all premise, but for the most part, I find this info credible and interesting.

Mostly, I just think it is WAY COOL that five Latvians checked out my blog today.

That's not to downplay my other brethren from Canada (thanks Bob), South Korea, Japan, and Russia from whom I see hits from on my stats page. However, the five hits from Latvia were all within the same hour (I'm telling you this whole Stat Stalking is addicting) I had to give a little shout out and "Paldies" to the five Latvians who checked out my very small corner of the universe. Uz veselību! Priekā!